Could be a near miss with death, losing a close friend/family - or a chance meeting with a stranger.
4 years back - I had a chance meeting with a retired Bank Manager in Bangalore. He suggested I read Conversations with God.
I then read all of Paulo Coelho's works - my favourite Brazilian author. Then Steve Jobs died - and read all about him and the spiritual side of him.
I have been trying to figure out Who I am and Why I am here - and I am nowhere close to the truth.
I am confused and clearer at the same time - just like light - which is both a wave and a particle at the same time.
I am not an Atheist
I am clear on one thing. I do believe in God as some mysterious supreme power or light or energy. Earth and Humans are not here by chance. I did briefly stray into being an atheist when my father passed away. Did shake me up and for sometime went around not being bothered about God or Religion or any customs.
I dont practice any Religion
Religion does not make any sense - so I dont pray to any God form anymore. However I like the philosophy that is present in all Religions. I like the meanings hidden in Bible and Hinduism. Love the sufi songs and Quawwali. Yet to read Quran. I don't believe in the shortcuts in the form of Sanskrit Verses and rituals present in Hinduism to attain Enlightenment.
I am not an Apatheist Either
Though I don't follow any religion - I am not an Apatheist - one who does not care if God Exists or Not. I believe in God, but not in Religion.
What am I to be classified?
If someone asks me - are you an atheist, or an apatheist, or are you a Hindu/Christian/Muslim?
My answer is none of the above.
It is quite simple. I am in a journey to discover by my self what this is all about. More like my running - I don't run with any group - I do my own research and discover new techniques and find what works and doesn't work through trial and error.
I am unravelling the mystery one day at a time - through books, through songs, through movies - keeping my eyes and ears open for any interesting tid bit that helps forming my mental model about God, Life & Death and Love.
Buddha figured it out. Dalai Lama figured it out. Many Saadhus have figured it out.
I know I am not going to run in the Olympics - but I can still run a full marathon ( 42 kms ) some day. Working towards it one run at a time.
Likewise - I am not sure if I will get the enlightenment in this lifetime's journey. Unlike the sequential model we are so used to - in the next lifetime I will be born in the past like in 10th Century BC or in the future like in 30th Century AD- I might be a wiser man than what I am now and I am sure I will be continuing this journey.
Signing off as someone who is Spiritual but not Religious.